[Public-List] Story of an ordeal...

Thu Mar 7 15:06:49 PST 2019

Then there was the time I was returning home from shooting a documentary for Discovery Channel that involved American Civil War era artillery.  

One of the gunners I employed gave me a 10 pounder Parrot rifle ‘bolt’ inscribed with a thank you message.   A ‘bolt’ in that context is a bullet shipped solid artillery projectile, in this case weighing ten pounds, with a brass cup on it’s base to grip the rifling in the gun.

I told the security guys what it was, and described it was in the centre of my suitcase wrapped in a pair of blue jeans.   They barely paid attention till they saw it in the X ray screen.   Instantly I had a crowd of uniformed Homeland Security guys around me and my suit case was hauled to the side.

They had me open my suitcase and hold up the trophy.   I described what it was and this time they were all paying attention.  They put it through the x ray on its own… and again.   They came back to me and said ‘we can’t see into it so we can see that it is empty.  Please open it.’

I again described that it is not ‘empty’, it is solid iron.  There is no ‘inside’, so it cannot be opened.  While discussing this I noticed a Homeland guy with blue gloves on going through my underwear and socks, while another was reviewing the pictures in my digital camera.  Then he casually pocketed the camera.  I was regrettably become irritated at this point so I called out to him ‘HEY YOU! - PUT THAT CAMERA BACK RIGHT NOW!’   He did.  Was he going to steal it?  I don’t know, but now there was unhappiness on both sides.

I got an idea.  I said ‘Look, I can prove it’s solid.  Get me a large pan, stand a bucket in the pan.  Fill the bucket with water to the brim… but the ten pounder bolt into the bucket.  Collect the water it causes to spill into the pan and weigh that water… multiply by the specific gravity of iron AND YOU’LL SEE IT’S TEN POUNDS BECAUSE IT’S SOLID!'

An older more senior security guy had me describe the object to him again… he balanced the bolt in his hands and said to me ‘Mr Laco, we’re not going to do that.  It just doesn’t look like something I can allow onto the plane.  Becoming irritated won’t help.   How about you go over to that parcel courier desk and ship it home to yourself?’   I said I’d do that.   So it went into a courier company’s box, and I saw with my own eyes that it went onto the same plane.  It cost me $47 to ship it home, but I have it now in sight as I write this.   Just to be perverse, I keep it standing beside my wood stove.   

Occasionally a visitor will catch sight of it beside the fire and say ‘you’re sure that’s not live?’   I answer ‘who knows, I can’t open it’. 

haha

Gordon Laco
www.gordonlaco.com

> On Mar 7, 2019, at 5:26 PM, George Dinwiddie via Public-List <public-list at lists.alberg30.org> wrote:
> 
> They must have thought a compass was like a snow globe, which is expressly forbidden for some reason. Perhaps you should have told them there was a compass in the cockpit of the plane. Or would that have cancelled the whole flight?
> 
> - George
> 
> On 3/7/19 3:34 PM, Gordon Laco via Public-List wrote:
>> Ever tried to carry a large yacht’s steering compass onto a commercial aircraft?
>> My friend who owns the big schooner in British Columbia told me he needed a compass and asked if I could get him one… I recommended a particular model of Ritchie, a good manufacturer and quoted a price.  He thought he could get the exact same model in Victoria from a retailer for the same as my wholesale cost… I said ‘if you can, better grab it.'
>> About two weeks later he writes to me asking if I’d carry the compass he’d bought out with me to the schooner.  Naturally I asked what he’d bought… it was the same model Ritchie but from someone in Ontario.
>> Now this is peculiar, thought I.     I could have sold it to him if the deal in Victoria had fallen through, which apparently it did…but he bought it from someone else and now I have to carry the compass I could have sold but lost the deal to someone else, with me out to Victoria.   My schooner friend is a friend, so I sighed and said I’d do it.   I picked up the compass… no surprise the cost was significantly more than I had quoted.
>> So I arrive at the airport… I decide I’d better carry the compass onto the plane for safety and put my small second bag into baggage because I’m only allowed two carry items and the compass makes three.  I get dinged an $80 baggage fee for something I’d planned to carry.  Then I get to security. They put the compass in it’s box through the scanner, I walk through the metal detector and watch for the compass…  I see it shunted off for secondary inspection.
>> “What is it?’ the inspector asks.  ‘A steering compass’ says I, and I open the box and show him. ‘What is it?‘ he says again, holding it gingerly at arms length.  Then he says ’the scanner says it’s filled with something organic'.  I protest ‘there’s nothing organic in it, it’s a navigation instrument, a compass, brass, plastic, nothing organic'.   Look, the guys says, turning the scanner screen toward me… I see the globe is showing orange on the screen.  ‘Organic’ says the guy.  We debate this for a while, during which I foolishly say ’not organic inside, light oil, like baby oil’.   OIL!  Maybe it’s water, says the guy, suspiciously.  No no, not water, I say.   Then he says ‘OK, open it and show us it’s not water”. (now there are four security men across from me)   I can’t do that, so they refuse to let it on the plane.   I get sent back to the Air Canada desk.
>> They can’t believe security won’t let it on the plane.  The manager directs me to another security check point and says ‘go there, surely they’ll let you through, you must have been dealing with an idiot’.    So away I go to another part of the airport.  This time they notice the words ‘Magnetic Compass’ on the box. MAGNETIC?!  Can’t take THAT on the plane, NO WAY.   I tried to explain it SENSES magnetic fields, it doesn’t EMIT them.  No go, so I trudge back to Air Canada.  Soon I’ll be getting anxious about my approaching boarding time...
>> Air Canada says ‘Gee, that’s strange, oh well, into baggage it must go.  They ask me to formally confirm the box is a good shipping box.  I said ’no, it most certainly is not a good shipping box’.   Hmmm. stumped.  Then the manager at the Air Canada desk walks up and asks what happened at the second security attempt.   I said ’they didn’t like the word ‘magnetic’, can you believe that?’   He looks startled, and says in a loud voice ‘We cannot allow an instrument that emits electromagnetic energy aboard an aircraft in any way'.
>> Long discussion ensues which goes on and on.
>> Finally they agree to let it onto the plane as baggage.  By now I’m quite irritated, so I say ‘… and you will sign a document I will write in which you confirm responsibility for this instrument in case of ANY damage while in baggage’.   They won’t do that.  They suggest I ‘get’ a box, tape and packing to protect it. ‘From where?’ is my answer… my plane is leaving soon.   We’re in a stalemate.
>> Then, a young female employee of Air Canada who has been listening speaks for the first time and says ‘I think we have a couple of boxes downstairs’.  The manager starts telling me how to go there… she interrupts and says ‘I’ll get them.’  She returns with a big box, tape and lots of plastic.  We stuff the plastic all around the compass’s box, tape it up… then the manager starts processing ANOTHER $80 charge for extra baggage.    I tell them I’ve already paid the fee, and if they want to charge me again, they first have to get my small second bag back, refund that ding; only then will I let them charge me again.
>> We three all stare at each other for a moment, then the girl says quietly ‘we don’t have to charge you again’.
>> I could have kissed her.
>> Gord
>> Surprise #426
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> -- 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>  When I remember bygone days                         George Dinwiddie
>  I think how evening follows morn;            gdinwiddie at alberg30.org
>  So many I loved were not yet dead,           http://www.Alberg30.org
>  So many I love were not yet born.                          also see:
>               'The Middle' by Ogden Nash     http://idiacomputing.com
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